My little sister and I got into an argument last night. It was the evening of Black Friday. We were both irritable since we had only had about 4 hours of sleep. It was a small argument that just got out of control.
I have two pictures of my husband and I on my coffee table. Through out the day she was putting the frames face down so that I could not look at them. By the end of the evening I insisted she put the frames the way I had them. The power struggle began. She refused. Our voices got louder and louder and we both insisted more and more. After several minutes of bickering I said fine you want to act like that...I will give you a taste of your own medicine. I walked out of the room, went to the bathroom and closed the door. But in no way was I avoiding the argument. In fact, I knew this was making it worse. I realized she was not going to move pictures back to the way I had them. So I had to take control in another way. I told her that I was done discussing this with her, I have no more words for you and don't want to hear anything else you may have to say.
I am staring at myself in the mirror. "What are you doing?" This is not mature. It is not a big deal. You know better. It's your lil sis you know how she is. Grow up! But that 10 year old bossy big sister in me was really trying to prove a point. I am older, I always have been and you have to listen to me or, or, or I will tell Mami. Except we are both in our 20's now and the age difference doesn't matter anymore.
I took Cherub (my dog) and pet him for a few minutes. This helps me relax. I then got his leash and went for a walk with him. During the walk I did some of my breathing exercises. I began regulating my emotions. I needed to tell the lil brat in me to take a hike. When I went back inside I apologized to my sister. She was still upset and not in the mood to make up. You know those lil phrases that they say when they really want to get even. Yea, she pulled out the big guns. Anyways, just like we know what buttons to press. We also know what windows to open to bring in some fresh air. I distracted her with showing her eye-shawdow colors I thought would look nice on her and minutes later it was like nothing happened.
I just think it is fascinating that many times we know what we are doing is not a good idea. But we still do it. Why is the power struggle so irresistible? Why are some of us so driven to prove a point!
I am personally trying to increase my emotional intelligence. Realize when I should allow an emotional state to take its course and when it is best for me to minimize its influence on my body and thoughts. I think we should all study ourselves just as we observe others. You might know what it means when your friend starts taping his foot. Or what it means when your girlfriend bites her lip.
You have several cues others pick up on, that you are not even consciously aware of performing. I believe if we were aware of ourselves mind and body, it would improve communication and strengthen our social relationships.
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